Post HSG

I have done HSG as scheduled on the 19th of February. It was not pain-free and the pain is bearable but it does come with a shock. I was slightly traumatised after. I don't think I would want to go through that again.

Anyway, results came back clear and my tubes are working fine.

It's not easy to say I trust you God when we've been waiting for 14 months. I believe this is the longest I have waited for something I want to happen. Perhaps God is building our faith, our patience (I don't have much of this). Perhaps we are put through all these for a greater purpose, a bigger picture that we have yet to see.

But truth be told, most of the time I feel like I no longer feel stress. And it's not a good thing. It's not that I feel free and am able to let go but I no longer see the need or desire to be stressed out, or to have expectations, or to be excited. After a while I just go through each month. Initially, I would feel excitement, disappointment and sadness but now it's just like every other month. And it's bad cause I no longer feel like it's gonna happen. That God is gonna bless us with a child.

So last week's sermon came to me strong. The preacher told us it's time to believe that God has good plans. It's easy to say yea, God has better plan for us but to truly believe it is another level altogether. Expectation is important. We need to have trust and faith to have expectation. If we no longer expect something, then it means that our heart has grown cold isn't it? Like if we no longer expect our spouse to remember the important dates, we will slowly grow distant from one another.

I thought if I don't expect and don't wait upon it, then it'll come true. Even if it doesn't, at least I was not expecting. But it made me more miserable cause I lost the mojo to even try. And I'm the type of person who would tell myself that I'll get hurt less if I don't have expectations.

After the service, my faith is renewed. I want to have that expectations again. When everything seems hopeless, the best we can do is to believe and trust that God has everything planned out. It's time to believe for much more than we deserve. Expect that it has already been done, that He has already given and we will receive.

So, looking forward.

<3 Mrs Chong