I was about to post this

on instagram

The one who did not make it

We found out about you somewhere in mid-March. We were overjoyed because we’ve been waiting for you for 15 months. We waited until the weekend before we went to see the doctor. It was still too small, just a small sac but doctor said you were there. 

On 13th April, we went for check-up again before we fly off to Taiwan. I have endured 2 weeks of morning sickness and food aversion. I never knew I could hate food. Despite all that, we were excited to see you. It was then when doctor told us that you were not growing. She told us to take you out so that we can travel without worries.

We didn’t. We refused to believe until the second doctor confirmed the same. We went to Taiwan with the empty sac in my womb. 

We came back and decided to remove it. Today marks one month since we had to make that choice.

I never knew I could do this. Through this, I realised that I too can be strong. I was terrified, not knowing what to expect and also not knowing why this happen to me. But through this I learnt that I am actually much stronger than I think. We pray that the next one will be a strong one and perhaps one with lesser food aversion.

Because I did D&C, it happened so quickly and without pain that it sometimes feels like just a bad dream. I decided to post this so that we can grieve openly and move on from this. I want to remember that this happened and we came out of it together. 

I didn’t cause I have students in there and I’m not ready for my colleagues or those in my company to find out about it.

Thank God for blogspot.

I’ll hide in here at the meantime.