Trying to level up

We have been trying to level up to become parents for a year plus now. Finally decided to go and visit the gynae and do some check-ups. So far, everything seems good so it could be just missed timing or just not God's timing yet.

I hope we do not have to purchase another box of ovulation test kit until our 2nd child. For now, pee-and-dip is the new trend.

Sometimes it's not easy to see others popping babies everywhere but God has His timing and like what Ps Sam preached in service last week, stop looking at others and comparing and say why me? Why do they have it easier? Why do they have it faster? Why do we have to wait for so long and spend so much money? All these questions can break us down and draw us away from God.

I admit I've blamed God in my heart, quietly thinking, what's taking so long? When people ask, I feel so upset that at one point I felt that God is not there. Maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe I'm not destined to have a child of my own *damn drama I know*. But now I just want to trust God to provide when it's time. Cause He knows best and if He blesses others with children faster and earlier and easier than I, I learn to let go and not be envious. All I have to do is follow Him. Put my focus on Him and not on others.

Funny thing is, people have been asking us if we are planning to have children. And when we tell them our story, they said, "Don't plan too much; don't be stressed; let it happen naturally." Then why are you asking? But I know they meant well, so I just smile and said yeah, learning to let go and let God - something I'm not good at.

I have so much pent up in me but it's not easy to write them down for fear that someone will find it some day. But I guess once in a while, it's good to write down my feelings. So yep, that's us, 13 months into trying. =)

Mrs Chong.